Gothic Diaries

Losing you was one of my greatest fears but i never knew that i had

to face it so soon,I remembered the day you were born i held you in my

arms an you held onto my thumb finger with your soft tiny hands.

The way you smiled an giggle when we used to play together are memories ill

Your hand in mine completes me

your lips on mine so sweetly

forever yours my heart beats

together i humbly entreet

for we have seen the sun rise

When i was a baby you tried to throw me away you did

everything to get rid of me from the begining

if you didnt want me from the start then why did you

put the thought in your mind

Deep into the forest deep under the hollow 

tree,go under and you'll find the gates to where you

want to be.

Take a left at the golden path and you'll pass the golden star

everyday i wake up to a sickened and lost world that i try soo hard to

destroy everytime i fight soo hard to get away from it all but it holds me down

now its my chance to turn the tables to the path i want it

and nothing is going to hold me down anymore i dont care

if you fall on your knees and beg for mercy cause i wont spear it 

I remembered the first time i talked to you..

i realize that we had alot in common that you were the one i wanted to have

fun with i remember that youre a great ,awesome,sweet,loving,hard working

and dedicated girl you always set your goals and head for them i always look up to

you for help and for safety i always look up for you when i needed cheering up and to laugh

As some of u know me n some who dont my name is Ailish Wolf n i have a storie about why i dont like to celebrate my B-day. I dont celebrate my B-day cuz i losted a great frind on that day. It was March 26, 2010. It was a friday n it was my B-day. I told my best friend Kayleah Wilson about it n she was really excited to come to my 12 B-day. I got home (to my aunts house) and we order the WWE WeastleMaina 26 for my B-day (well it was on sunday when we ordered it). And when i got to school my firneds got really scard cuz Kayleah's mom called n told us that she didnt come home on that day. I was so scard n sad i thought it was a joke but i had to hear it from the princleable n a cop. About 2 weeks later 2 cops made us do a test about wat we known about her. And then out of no where 2 months have passed by n it was the end of the school year. I was walking home from the school n then i reached my aunts house. I see my mom n she hugs me (like the first time) n she told me "it was her they found her" I cryed n cryed on the first day of summer. I had to go to her funeral for the first day of summer n it was awful. I felt really bad just by siting there watching every pic they had of her when a kid while the FUCKING BASTER is still out there probalby killng more inoccent girls. (sigh) And today i still blame her death on me it was my fault that i should of told her something but couldnt. and after that whole year of 6th grade i changes n deside to commit suidcide. And today i still want to but cant because i thing about others around me. I  really wish i had the chance to see her smile one more time then i would move on. But no i still dont like to celebrate my B-day with out her. It dosent feel right to have a good B-day with out ur best friend on ur side. N so this is mostly the story of why i dont celebrate my B-day. I wish

The hardest thing to do is to open up  knowing that nobody cares.On the other hand I couldn’t care less.

Sounds familiar I know,it’s the mere truth.I met you a long long time ago,you were lost in the world I got lost too.

We found each other years after,after a huge series of meetings than never happened,even blind dates,concerts that we both were  attending but we were always missing each other.Years after all the marks on both of us were  too visible,we had left our pride  and our defenses aside when we were talking to each other.Our arguments fierce  and our mutual trust reborn in a certain level.

It was always the world against us.Seems that the world is still against us.Instead of moving forward we are both stuck exactly at the same point,the same places,the same circumstances with no exit signs.I am walking in the dark and you walk towards the end of the tunnel.You wish you could help me .I don’t want any help right now.You stretch the hand out to cover the distance separating us and the screen turns black.I have to switch off the computer.

How many times we came that close feeling like one,how many times we were willing to unify our lives when  imponderable factors were always putting obstacles in our way.

Thingz will never be the same with out you

What did I do to deserve this,

I didn't even get one last kiss... from you

Revenge is the most insidious feeling.It resides in the subconscious layer of the being.Revenge  is found even in primary forms of life.Ancient and primordial dominates the fragile instants of emotional retreat.

Masked behind a kind smile or a warm look in the eyes,deceives the recipient .The usual statement is “I’d never hurt you” when the plot in the backstage is all about getting revenge.Memory lagging is convenient  to  cause situations of undesired  and fruitless arguments,a waste of time.

In fact even the plotting itself is a waste of time,,,even the single   thought of the pleasure to see suffering the one who “caused” pain

Everything is so fluid and objective in this life,my thoughts are nothing new.I just take the liberty to express my own point of view,or  my own truth if you prefer .So many different dimension we are living in.I may be living in a peaceful dimension while the being to whom I am talking to,is living in a twister of contradictive emotions.So hard to explain the mind when we can’t explain our own ones.

The mind is usually to be blamed for the subconscious re-actions.I could bet everybody’s minds are working perfectly as nature planned it, our incapacity to face and deal with the facts  blurs the vision.Like in a fiction movie all we see is the target and the order given by the misleading emotion :revenge.